Sunday, April 09, 2006

Simon says....

... I want to leave my wife and kids for you. Because when I look in your eyes i get lost and i forget they exsist. I become a man of desire and want, and I never expected life to bring me that again. I've become a man split in three. When I go home every evening and face my wife, when she searches my eyes for the love she used to have I'm split, torn. I'm the knot in my stomach that shows me the guilt I'm feeling. It hurts, throbs when she touched me. But I'm also my heart, which I've left in your hands, open and shivering from the love you've filled it with. I do not take it with me home anymore. And I'm my head. My head filled with my history of making love to my wife, raising our children, walks after midnight and arguements. It chills me that my history is now seperated from my heart. It no longer means anything that I spent 15 years building and maintaing this love, because in days, maybe even seconds it vanished. She can see the love running out of me. She's a beautiful, intellegent women, I choose her once, so she does not panic. But I hear the cry in her throat and the feeling of life slipping away. But all I want is to hold you. When I touch you I'm eletric and the knot goes away and my head goes away. Because after all a heart is the strongest. A heart will have its will.

I look at my friend as she tells me what he said. I look at how her eyes shines and how she's filled with a love and desire she does not want to express. Putting it into words will make her love unjust, unfail, unmoral. Keeping quiet about her love keeps it pure, locked-up and safe. She does not understand the turn it all has taken. Does not understand how a man with a wife and kids, a man who is her boss, her superior can leave his heart bleeding and shivering with her. She burns for him, but she has also just recieved the ultimate love sacrifice. He will give it all, everything up for her. For her. She is worth everything. She is beautiful, intellegent and fun and I understand why anyone would fall for her. Sitting with her I seem to be understanding the force of his love more than she. She cannot understand, cause understanding means deciding, means being responsible. I can see she's all heart too. Her feelings as cut her too from her head. She cannot cry for wifes or kids, but have their fate in her hands. Her hands are getting too full.

Never has the unreal world of love crashed so hard with reality. Never have I seen the ultimate pain being caused by the same that causes ultimate love. And noone wins. Because someone looses. Maye she should just wash her hands clean of this. Walk away. And leave the family to pick up the pieces of a life that will never be the same. A life of broken hearts and lost trust.

1 comment:

Aasa said...

That is very touching
To me it seems liek this girl needs more the feeling of being valued and feeling a selfworth more. It looks like she does not have these feeligns within herself so she seeks it in others. But what do I know, I just read yur description. Its a sad story. I hope she will leave the family to pick up thier pieces and maybe find herself and her own worth within herself first.
Hope you tell how it all turns out!
Aasa